The Abused Empath: Being An Empath Doesn’t Mean Being Abused

Hello, dear Empaths, I want to remind you about how wonderful you are.  You and I are the ones sent here to make a difference;  we are the listeners, helpers and actually the strong ones who are kind, and would help anyone.  We just can’t say no.  But we all know we also are often abused.

I don’t know about you, but the abuse often leads me to inner anger, and frustration.  Why did I let that person abuse me?  Why did I let them call me names, treat me so badly?  Why did I let them embarrass me in public?  Why did I not stand up for myself, and tell them off?  Why did I smile and walk away?  Simple:  because like you, I’m an empath, and even when we are angry, frustrated and sick and tired of the bad treatment, we still don’t say anything, because we STILL don’t want to hurt anyone. I can feel their pain and at a deep level, I don’t want them to hurt.  Yeah, I guess it’s ok for me to hurt, but hurting someone else is the worst thing I can feel.  That’s the way our Higher Power made us.

But I am still learning boundaries, too.  Recently, I had a run-in with another empath who went off on me because I called her at an inappropriate time;  I was just trying to return her call, and be supportive about it.  She went on for minutes about how I’m supposed to ‘own it.”  She ranted for minutes about my inappropriateness, and how she was working and I was going to get her fired, even though she called me from that number, and never left any messages about when to call.  I thought I was doing the right thing;  I know she was possibly being evicted from her apartment and she was scared, and I wanted to be supportive.

I calmly listened, and after she calmed down, she did apologize.  I forgave her, BUT do I need this abuse again, (she called at 1AM by-the-way), disturbing my sleep and my family, so she could feel better?  No, I do not need this abuse again,  and neither should anyone, empath or not,  put up with abusive behavior. We as empaths, especially,  need to know when NOT to go back for more.

There comes a time of BALANCE: although we are loving helps of the Universe, we are STILL human, and there comes a time to cut our losses and let go.  For me, it was today with this person.  I just erased her name from my phone and will never pick up her calls ever again.  Is this passive-aggressive?  Yes, I admit it is, but I just can’t put up with negative behavior anymore, and neither should you.

Do you have someone like this in your life?  If you are an empath, I bet you do.  We attract these type of people(many are often empaths, also).  And you should only have to take so much.  We need to learn when the relationship is a lost cause.  We can only help so much, and when it crosses a line into our personal lives, starting to be abusive, we need to cut ties.  I cannot tell you how many people I have had to cut out of my life on the last 7-10 years, as I have become aware of the abusive nature in the relationship.  I sometimes even feel a little lonely, because they are gone, but I am learning that this is for my own good.

Will I ever talk to them again?  Yes, probably to say ‘hi’ or to send a Christmas card.  I wish them well, but they will always be at arms length, while I try to find people who need my help, and can return the favor. After all, that is what friendship is truly about, and these people become my friends over time.  I will always love the people I have distanced, but I need to take care of myself also.

When it all comes down to it, we are empaths, but that doesn’t mean we need to be abused.  We need to set limits to how much we can take, and then let go of those abusing us.  It’s hard for empaths, because we always ‘feel’ bad.  But it’s necessary for our spirituality and to help those and do what we can for others.  Remember empaths are human, too.

 

 

 

 

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